This coming week, I have what is called "Sales Training", though it is more to get the employees to learn about the products that my company makes.
It has been presented that this training would benefit me by educating me about my company (which is useful) but then will help me in upward mobility. My boss explains to me, "My job is to provide the opportunity, it is your job to look for those opportunities." My company though does not always provide those opportunities unless you come in either as a lab worker or from the office. Production/fermentation employees are usually limited to, well. . . . . . production and fermentation.
My feelings are that, one, I used to have the heart of a corporate climber, if I get that better job, my life would be made. I ran after this for twenty years. Each time, things happen that brought frustration and disappointment. Finally, I have now a job that is peaceful, in that, I work four days, then off four days. I have given up a couple years ago chasing the "American dream" and its materialistic treasures.
So now, I am going to a training that is geared toward what I have died to. I don't look forward to facing something that has no interest to me. I will be there with people who have a total different world view than me. I am aware that I am not the cleverest or intelligent of beings, so there will people who will press their "behaviors" or aggressive personality for their own personal gain. I really don't care. Just don't do it at my expense. I am tire of dealing with those "go getters", because they are a part of a world system that have brought me rejection.
My boss smiles with a bemusement at my mention of the term, "go getter". He is one of these people who has found the blessing at Alltech and is at age 27, a department manager. He can be a nice guy, especially if his world goes well. Frustrate him, he acts as an animal backed into a world. It is a matter of not being able to handle disappointment. I have handled disappointment. I don't wish it on anyone, but I am hopeful to those who face it will find peace in God.
I rabbit trail, I know I do. I am puking my emotions, fears, and anxiety here. I want to cry to myself. It is facing the past disappointments of my work. I have been able to avoid them because it is hard to face death. This I must do.